They come wonderful and weighty. The good ones stroll past. The bad linger on. The ambiguous bounce about, rattling, clunking, unsure whether they should stroll or linger. All hold something more than the letters strung together. (But what?!?) They all float around in my mind as I overthink them and cling to them. I file them away - messy, but treasured - to clarify and confound how I use and choose my own later.
And how do I?
I like the idea of less. At work, especially, I like it. Short & sweet. True & clear. Leave ‘em wantin’ more. Soundbites are memorable. (Be so, so careful though! Qualify, never oversimplify!)
In my personal life though, I want to ramble. (This blog must be very personal...). I want to tell those closest to me every detail. I don't want to be misinterpreted. I think if I say everything I have more control over what is heard. I don't. And the wanting to say everything sometimes leads to the failing to say anything. If you can't get in every detail, If you can't fully explain every thought, then it's probably best to just remain silent in fear of misinterpretation. Or so the overthinking silence goes...
It's all very confusing what with the pretending not to care what you think and the really caring so much about what you hear and believe.
A little honesty: I have no idea how many should be heard at any given time. How? Which ones? How loud?
Do I leave things to the imagination to encourage curious questions to creep forward?
Or be lavish, spilling generously each juicy detail?
Should they come firmly? Sweetly? Laced with sarcasm? Playfully? Draped in eloquence?
Will you lean in if I whisper?
Does increasing the volume increase your intake, your interest?
When you interrupt me should I let them waft off to never, never land or fight to be heard?
What speaks to you - the ever changing you – who I long to address well? I want to be better than I know how – you deserve better – all my yous do.
Don’t misinterpret this, really, pretty please. This post is no passive aggressive reaction to anything else. I can imagine it interpreted that way. It's just the truth. It’s a constant question bouncing through my brain. I rarely have a clear idea how to let all the beloved letters unfold.
You’ll likely get less unless you ask for more. (I almost always have more.) Unless you are amidst a select few who I trust with my crazy because they have shown themselves to have some crazy endurance (aka friendship) and then maybe you wish you got less – way, way less.
(If you made it through this blog you may have some crazy endurance potential - just sayin'.)
How many? I seem to creep towards and away from the answer a little more every day.
You are such a moving target.